One of the most compassionate leaders I know let his team suffer.
Not because he didn’t care, but because he cared too much about being liked.
His fear of not being liked made him an incredible servant leader. He led with compassion, was thoughtful about how people would respond to changes, and was inclusive to his core.
But any strength overused becomes a liability.
There was a toxic leader on his team, and everyone knew it–including the team’s leader. The team worked around this person, avoided going to him whenever possible, wasted hours venting to each other, and created elaborate workarounds just to get things done.
And the leader at the top? He saw it. But he couldn’t bring himself to have the difficult conversation.
Because difficult conversations risk someone not liking you.
The cost wasn’t just soft: Though the team inefficiency was real, it eventually became a legal liability.
What I’ve come to believe and say to every team and leader I work with is that most ineffective leadership behaviors are based in fear.
Fear of not being liked. Fear of being exposed. Fear of conflict. Fear of losing control. Fear of failure.
It shows up differently in each leader … but it always shows up in the team. In workarounds, in disengagement, in wasted energy, in trust that quietly erodes.
The work for executive teams is to understand what fear-based patterns each leader carries, name how they impact the collective, and commit to improving—together.
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