You don’t have to look in the mirror. You don’t have to get feedback. It’s a valid choice.
But if you’re going to make that choice, you damn well better be honest with yourself about what’s at stake.
I had a conversation recently with a leader who was highly resistant to getting feedback. Even though he said himself that he’s not a great leader, he wouldn’t entertain getting feedback to help him understand where the biggest opportunities are for him to improve.
What he didn’t say but was utterly clear was that the discomfort of hearing how others experienced him felt greater than any potential risk to the business.
It was a choice. A conscious one. He had the opportunity to choose to look in the mirror. He chose to turn away.
Looking in the mirror means honestly assessing your strengths and gaps, then going further – getting feedback from others because you know you have blind spots. It means looking at the gap between how you see yourself and how others experience you, getting curious instead of defensive, and being willing to explore how to show up differently.
Most leaders are terrified of this–myself included. It threatens your identity. You’re afraid of finding out you’re failing, letting people down, not being liked, not being as good as you thought. The fear is real.
I worked with a leader who chose not to do this work. He was given the opportunity to get feedback and grow, but he rejected it. So he continued on with the behaviors that eroded his effectiveness. One by one, he lost credibility with the peers he needed to be successful; eventually, he was exited from the company.
Then I worked with another leader who was just as resistant to feedback. After her initial defensiveness, she got curious, and recognized how some of her tendencies were keeping her from having the impact she wanted. One by one, she took focused action. Colleagues who’d avoided her started seeking her out for input and collaboration.
Same fear-based reaction. Different choice. Different outcome.
This applies to teams too. When a team chooses not to look in the mirror, they continue in their ineffective patterns – misaligned goals, scattered accountability, burnout, resentment. When they’re willing to look, it’s hard and uncomfortable at first. But they step into the hard conversations and truths that build alignment and momentum.
You can choose to do this work or you can choose not to. Both are valid–we do have free will, and both are choices we can make. But be aware that the perceived pain of getting feedback right now doesn’t make the very real pain to your business, your team, and your effectiveness disappear. It just delays it. And often amplifies it.
What’s the choice you’re actually making? And are you being honest with yourself about what it’s costing?
Looking to increase the cohesion, trust, and impact of your leadership team? Reach out and let’s discuss The Compass Team Experience and how I can help.
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