How do you respond when someone apologizes?
I’m thinking today about my favorite lesson from Ted Lasso. It’s not one of the key moments and sayings, like the goldfish. It’s a quiet lesson woven throughout the series.
When you screw up, apologize authentically. No “buts.”
When someone apologizes authentically, say “Thank you.” Full stop.
It’s a practice my husband and I have integrated into our relationship, and it’s powerful.
When I think back on the teams I’ve led, I know I always created a safe space where people could apologize when they screwed up. And they did. But I don’t think I exercised the “Thank you.”
Of course, as leaders we also need to follow up to ensure the person who made the mistake understood what went wrong, identified what they’d do differently next time, and asked for the support they needed.
The point, however, is to accept the sincere apology. Start there. Take a breath. And then talk about how to move forward.
One of the most powerful conversations I ever had was when I shared with my leader a serious mistake that I’d made. I was honest and sincere, and told him what I had learned and what I was doing to fix it.
His calm response: “Thanks for telling me. Did you learn from it?”
“Yes.”
“Are you going to do it again?”
“No.”
“Ok. Good. Now let’s figure out what to do next.”
And that’s what we did.
This came to mind today when I made a (small) mistake that I needed to apologize for to stay in integrity with myself. So that’s what I did.
Apologize sincerely.
Appreciate the apology.
Move forward.
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