Two client feedback forms. Two completely different descriptions of me as a coach:
“Thorough, tough, challenging, and fair.”
“Warm, collaborative, committed to understanding complexity and supporting change.”
Same coach. Completely different approaches.
The first client wanted someone who would push him hard. The second was struggling with feelings of failing as a leader and needed supportive guidance through complexity.
Yes, as Walt Whitman said, we contain multitudes. But was this me containing multitudes or having a split personality?
It was me adapting my style to what each person needed in the moment.
This isn’t just about coaching. It’s about leadership.
The most effective leaders—from the CEO down—don’t lead everyone the same way. They adapt their style to what each person needs in the moment.
I once worked with an executive who took a laissez-faire approach with all his direct reports. He thought being hands-off was most supportive. But some of his leaders worked better with more direct feedback and challenge. His “supportive” style was actually leaving them without what they needed to grow.
What’s hardest for leaders isn’t recognizing they have a default style. It’s doing the actual work: Really listening to understand what each person needs, then shifting how you show up.
And this matters beyond your direct reports—it matters for the effectiveness of your leadership team. If you’re the CMO with a naturally supportive style but the CTO works best with direct conversation, your team effectiveness depends on you adapting when you give feedback or collaborate. The opposite is true too—the CTO adapting for you.
Effective collaboration happens when you understand the styles of your colleagues and learn how to best work together. When you leverage each other’s unique styles for collective success rather than expecting everyone to adapt to you.
Start small. Pick one person—direct report, peer, anyone you work with regularly. Ask them directly: “What kind of support helps you do your best work?”
Then actually adapt. Even if it feels uncomfortable. Especially if it feels uncomfortable.
That discomfort? That’s you becoming the leader they need, not just the leader you are.
More about me and 110 West Group HERE.
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