“You’ve been an amazing partner. And you should take that as a testimonial and not be humble about it in a victimy way.”
I heard that from a client this week, and it had the triple impact of making me feel proud, letting me feel seen, and causing me to laugh.
It came out of a conversation debriefing her 360 Leadership Circle Profile assessment. As we step into this work, which requires vulnerability and trust, I share my own example first.
Lately I’ve been sharing an a-ha I had in recent months, finally occurring to me at the age of 53.
I learned from my dad the importance of working hard and always doing what you say you’ll do, which drives my high sense of accountability. But I also took away the belief that you should never “toot your own horn.” That being proud of what you’ve done and talking about it is arrogant and boastful. If you don’t want to be seen as “too big for your britches,” you keep quiet.
Yes, it’s humility. But as I shared with my client, it’s humility with a definite tinge of victim mentality.
That belief shows up in my business. My husband, an experienced sales professional, has asked me repeatedly why I struggle to ask for referrals and testimonials. The answer is in the story: it would make me come across as arrogant, which is anathema to my people-pleasing tendencies.
Sharing this story with my client took about a minute. But it opened up the space for vulnerability, which my client fully stepped into.
Her pattern was different. She’d learned that for achievement to really count, you have to do it on your own, without help. What showed up in her 360 feedback? That she wasn’t sharing opportunities to shine with others. The belief that got her here was now limiting her team.
As we wrapped up with some discussion on the work I’m doing with the company’s leadership team, she shared the statement I started this post with.
I laughed and said “Thank you.”
My vulnerability opened space for hers. Her self-awareness will change how she shows up with her team, both the one she leads and the one she’s a part of.
Leaders don’t change their patterns in a vacuum. They change them in relationship — first with someone who can hold up the mirror, then with the team that experiences the shift.
Who’s holding up the mirror for you?
Hey there! I’m a leadership team whisperer, executive coach, and speaker. I guide leadership teams in high-growth companies to achieve rapid growth in a healthy, sustainable way. I coach senior leaders to discover the path to lead with ease.
Like this post? Want to see more? Connect with me on LinkedIn.
Recent Comments