The safest choice was to be less good.
When I was a high school freshman, I had to try out for placement in the French horn section of our two bands, honors band and concert band. I auditioned and got 4th chair in honors band … out of 4 chairs.
Which meant I knocked Christy, a junior, down to concert band.
Christy proceeded to make my entire freshman year a living hell with her bullying behavior. She and a clique of girls were horrid to me on a daily basis. Luckily I had the support of the 1st chair, who was a Senior, and her friends.
As I look back on that experience, I recognize that the only way to avoid that experience would have been for me to not show up fully to that audition. To play less well than I was capable of playing. To deliberately be smaller so I wouldn’t threaten Christy’s position.
Think about that for a second: A 14-year-old learning that the safe choice is to hide how good you are.
I actually pushed through it. When she initiated a chair challenge later in the year, she moved up and I moved down. Then I challenged her right back and moved back up again. (Yes, high school music ensembles can be visiously competitive.)
I honestly don’t know if that was courage or stupidity. But it taught me that if you show up as your full self, there may be consequences you need to be ready for.
What I understand now that I didn’t then: she was embarrassed, and that embarrassment was rooted in fear.
Nearly all bad leadership behavior comes from that same place. And it comes with a cost.
In environments where people bully or compete, everyone else learns to play small. They hide their strengths. They don’t show up fully because it’s not safe to be good at something.
Great teams are built differently. When you have real trust and strong relationships, each person can show up with their full strengths on display. No one has to calculate whether being excellent will make them a target. No one has to play worse than they’re capable of to stay safe.
That’s what’s possible when leaders build environments where talent isn’t threatening–it’s welcomed. Where people don’t have to choose between being good and being safe.
Does your team make it possible for everyone to show their full strengths? Or do they have to be less good?
Looking to increase the cohesion, trust, and impact of your leadership team? Reach out and let’s discuss The Compass Team Experience and how I can help.
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