Giving feedback? Ask yourself these 3 questions first:
- Is it true?
- Is it kind?
- Is it necessary?
These three simple questions have transformed how I communicate as a leader—especially when delivering challenging feedback.
I discovered this framework in an unexpected place: my yoga teacher training 🧘♀️ (Isn’t it fascinating how leadership wisdom often comes from where we least expect it?)
While most feedback approaches obsess over “being direct” and “not sugarcoating,” the ancient yoga philosophy of Yamas teaches that truth and kindness aren’t opposing forces—they’re interconnected values that strengthen each other.
Truth without kindness? Simply harsh. Kindness without truth? Just dishonesty dressed up.
But the real game-changer is adding that third question: Is it necessary?
Here’s a real-world example:
A friend of mine teaches incredible yoga classes that I love attending. However, there’s one particular cue she consistently uses that I find ineffective for my practice.
I considered giving her feedback:
- Is it true? Absolutely.
- Is it kind? I could definitely deliver it with care.
- Is it necessary? Hmm…
This is where I paused. Would my feedback genuinely improve her teaching, or was it just my personal preference? Would it truly serve her growth or just satisfy my urge to “help”?
After reflection, I realized it wasn’t necessary. It would only impact my experience, not her overall effectiveness as a teacher. So I kept it to myself.
The power of this framework shines brightest in those borderline cases—feedback that’s true but uncomfortable to deliver.
The “necessary” question helps distinguish between valuable insight and mere personal preference. It’s the filter that prevents feedback from becoming noise.
When all three questions yield a “yes,” you can deliver feedback with complete confidence that you’re being both honest AND supportive. It’s transformative for both the giver and receiver.
Try these three questions before your next difficult conversation. You might be surprised by what you choose to say—and what you choose to keep to yourself.
What feedback have you been hesitating to give? Run it through this test and see what happens.
PS–Yes, I’m familiar with the THINK model, which adds two questions to the framework. I like to keep it simple with 3.
Want to learn more about me, the Bob Ross of Executive Teams? Let’s talk!
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