I recently was talking with friend who is a C-suite executive, discussing some challenges with strong personalities on the ELT. I asked her, “What would happen if you stopped filtering yourself and matched their energy?”
Her pause told me everything: she’d been performing leadership instead of living it.
For months, she’d been navigating two defensive, dismissive colleagues by staying “collaborative and open.” The high road felt right in theory. In practice? Nothing changed. They kept bulldozing through conversations while she kept adjusting, softening, accommodating.
The hardest part was the adjustments she was making, thinking that it was the “right” way to show up, wasn’t in alignment with her values.
Sound familiar?
Here’s what I’ve learned watching leaders build strong teams: You can be authentic to who you are without being toxic. And strong teams need authentic leaders.
Toxic leaders tear others down to build themselves up. They use “honesty” as a weapon and “directness” as an excuse for cruelty.
Authentic leaders? They show up as themselves—edges and all—while still lifting others up. They’re direct without being destructive. Firm without being harsh. Clear while being compassionate. How they show up every day reflects their values. And when they behave in ways that are misaligned–because none of us are perfect–they take accountability for it.
The magic happens when you stop performing the version of leadership you think people want and start embodying the version that is truly you.
When my friend finally dropped her filter, something shifted. Not just in her—in the entire dynamic. Her colleagues respected her directness because it came with consistency and care, not contempt.
The team engaged on a different level. Meetings became more productive. Trust deepened because everyone knew where they stood.
Authenticity isn’t about saying whatever comes to mind. It’s about aligning your actions with your values, even when it feels uncomfortable. Especially when it feels uncomfortable.
Your team doesn’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be real.
The strongest teams aren’t built on politeness—they’re built on trust. And trust starts with leaders brave enough to show up as themselves.
What would change in your leadership if you dropped the filter that’s not serving you?
Looking to increase the cohesion, trust, and impact of your leadership team? Reach out and let’s discuss The Compass Team Experience and how I can help.
Recent Comments