If you release attachment to the outcome, does it mean you don’t care?
Nope—it’s the opposite. It means you care enough to do your best work without being paralyzed by the result.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned throughout my career has been to release attachment to specific outcomes.
This shift for me started with a pivotal experience that completely derailed what I thought about myself, followed by a year of deep personal work.
When I was still working for companies and not with them, I didn’t get a promotion I thought was a lock. I was devastated. I spun and spun, questioning everything I knew about myself and my identity.
The great irony is that by not getting that promotion, it opened up all sorts of possibilities and paths I hadn’t considered. As I tell the groups I speak to, “If I’d gotten that promotion, I wouldn’t have moved to my next company, and gotten promoted there, and ultimately left that role when we got acquired, and then moved to Colorado and started my own company, and I wouldn’t be here talking to you right now.” (Hindsight 20/20: The path I was set on has been much more fulfilling than that promotion would have been.)
Coming out of that experience, I established a mantra that’s guided me since: “The outcome you want may not be the outcome you need.”
This isn’t fluffy philosophy. It’s practical leadership wisdom.
Fast forward a few years from that missed promotion to when my company was acquired. Did I feel some nervousness about what would happen to my role? Of course, but dramatically less so than I would have before. I approached it with the mindset of “I’ll end up where I need to end up. I have multiple options, and I’ll play every hand until they’re played out.”
This shift changed how I lead (and ultimately, how I coach leaders and teams) in three specific ways:
- I became more resilient when plans changed.
- I got better at seeing multiple paths to success … because I was open to them.
- I developed patience with the “messy middle” of change.
I’ve gotten much better at this, but it’s not something I’ve completely mastered. I still get disappointed when things don’t go as I hoped. But I recover faster. I see new possibilities sooner. And I don’t mistake my preferences for necessities.
Where in your leadership would releasing attachment create more possibility?
Hey there! I’m a leadership team whisperer, executive coach, and speaker. I guide leadership teams in high-growth companies to achieve rapid growth in a healthy, sustainable way. I coach senior leaders to discover the path to lead with ease.
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