Just because I coach on EQ, it doesn’t mean I always get it right.
Yesterday, I didn’t.
Late in the day, I got an email that struck a nerve. It’s a long-standing nerve, and when it gets struck, I always need to manage my reaction.
Usually I take a breath, pause, maybe even set it aside for a bit. I consider my response and how to approach it with equanimity.
But when I got the email yesterday, I was in an emotionally charged situation and headspace that had nothing to do with the message.
As I look back on it, there were a variety of emotions charging through my amygdala.
- Irritation
- Frustration
- Contempt (yep, I rolled my eyes)
- Exhaustion
All piled on top of the Fear and Anxiety that I was sitting with, given the situation I was in the middle of.
Rather than recognizing I was having an emotional overload and managing my reaction with emotional intelligence (which would have included not responding in the moment), I charged ahead and sent an extremely sharp response.
That’s not my MO. That’s not how I want to show up. That’s shutting down curiosity and conversation.
I immediately knew in my heart that I shouldn’t have reacted in that way. And once the situation resolved and my irritation dissipated, I was able to approach it differently. That meant apologizing–sincerely and without excuse–for my reaction.
I share this story, the misstep, to point out that acting with strong emotional intelligence at all times is hard. It’s damn near impossible.
I talk with leaders daily about how to build and use EQ. I tell them it’s a practice, that they’ll do great some days and struggle on others.
The growth comes with honest reflection to understand what happened in a given situation.
Then, if you mess up, you own it, give yourself grace, and commit to doing better.
So be gentle with yourself on your EQ journey.
Even if you talk about it every day, it doesn’t mean you always get it right.
Hey there! I’m a leadership team whisperer, executive coach, and speaker. I guide leadership teams in high-growth companies to achieve rapid growth in a healthy, sustainable way. I coach senior leaders to discover the path to lead with ease.
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