“How could you shift from judgmental to curious?”
I posed that to a coaching client this week, after I shared my own recent miss on shifting into curiosity.
A few weeks ago I facilitated a group coaching call, and a few participants didn’t show. No notice that they would miss, or follow-up as to why.
So I dropped them a quick note: “We missed you on the call today. Please make sure to prioritize these, and work with your manager or HR leader if you need help shifting your calendar.”
The next day I got a scathing response from one of them. They’d had a major weather event and were without power or cell service, which is why they couldn’t even let me know they couldn’t attend. They didn’t appreciate the accusation of not prioritizing the call.
Was the reaction a little overboard? Maybe. But I recognized they also were likely reacting from a place of frustration over the circumstances that resulted in property damage.
And their assessment of my email was fair, even though I had no idea their region had a major weather event (True story: I don’t keep up with current weather across the country).
I was judgmental and assumed I knew what was going on, instead of curious.
An easy rewrite would have been “We missed you on the call today. Please let me know if all is ok on your end, and let’s connect about how to get you caught up.”
So I owned my miss and apologized, with a simple note back that said “I’m sorry my note came across as uncaring. I wasn’t aware of the weather event and that you were impacted. In retrospect, I should have inquired as to what might have happened, and I apologize that I didn’t take that approach.”
The next day I got an email back saying, “Thank you.”
My point in sharing this story with my coaching client, who is working hard on staying curious when the inclination is to judge, is that it’s easy to slip into judgment. Easy to do without realizing it. And easy to do even when it’s something we coach others on.
🌀 It’s an ongoing practice every day, to stay in curiosity.
The question I probably use most often with my coaching and team performance clients is “How can you get curious about this?”
It’s a muscle we build, and the more we practice, the easier it gets. But we can still slip up.
As we wrapped up our conversation, I asked my client if they watched Ted Lasso. “I love Ted Lasso!” was the reply.
I reminded them of two of what I think are the greatest lessons from Ted.
- Be curious, not judgmental.
- When you mess up, apologize. And when someone sincerely apologizes, say “Thank you,” full stop.
How can you get curious today?
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