I didn’t know you had a tattoo. This is what a client said to me some time back during an in-person meeting, after I’d taken off my cardigan and facilitated in short sleeves (those conference rooms get hot).
“Actually, I’ve got two,” I said. “I’ve got one on my back, too.”
He was surprised. Not because I have tattoos. Well, maybe because I have tattoos. Underneath that, however, was the surprise that after working together for years, he was still learning new things about me.
This exchange hit home – something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately: the power of curiosity over judgment.
When faced with something unexpected—whether it’s a tattoo, a contrarian opinion in a meeting, or behavior that doesn’t fit our assumptions—we have two paths:
Path 1: Judge it.
“That doesn’t fit what I expected.”
“That’s not how we do things.”
“I wouldn’t have done it that way.”
Path 2: Get curious about it.
“Tell me more.”
“What’s the story there?”
“I’m interested in understanding your perspective.”
The first path closes doors. The second opens them. Simple as that.
I see this play out constantly in leadership and teams. A team member shares a different take and the leader either shuts it down … or leans in with curiosity.
The difference in outcomes is staggering.
But you have to be willing to get curious—about people, their perspectives, their lived experiences. Even when it feels hard. Especially when it feels hard.
I remember one former client saying to me, a little exasperated, “People are just so… hard.”
I pushed back. “People are fascinating. And if you slow down long enough to pay attention, you’ll be amazed at what you learn.”
What you learn can shape team connection, clarity, and cohesion in ways you don’t expect.
Everyone—just like Walt Whitman said—contains multitudes. And as leaders, we get a front-row seat to those multitudes—if we’re paying attention.
Curiosity breeds connection. And connection? That’s the foundation for teams who can wrestle with the hard stuff together.
As for the tattoos: the one on my arm is a kestrel. The one on my back is a red-tailed hawk. I got them after two defining experiences in the past decade. To me, they’re the yin and yang of the raptor world.
The hawk reminds me to elevate my perspective and see the big picture. The kestrel reminds me to focus, dive in, and go after what I want. That’s how I work—and how I live. I zoom out, then I zoom in. That’s true whether I’m supporting a talent initiative or planning a vacation.
Ask me about my tattoos, and you’ll get a surprisingly clear picture of how I lead.
There’s always more to learn about the people we work with. You just have to stay curious enough to find it.
Hey there! I’m a leadership team whisperer, executive coach, and speaker. I guide leadership teams in high-growth companies to achieve rapid growth in a healthy, sustainable way. I coach senior leaders to discover the path to lead with ease.
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